Dreams of a nightmare past
by Virety-Enten
Summary: Rin runs off after a rumor is passed to her. Sesshomaru can cry? rated M for safty
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

A/N: I created the Jakenmaru, jaken+sesshomaru. it's a respect thing.

This came to me while doing dishes. I ran around the kitchen for 2 minutes before realizing I have a perfectly good computer sitting there. lol. Well, enjoy.

Flashback will not hang unfinished forever. I will continue each in due time.

I will not beg for reviews but if you wish to share, I will always read and return the favor. It's also my favorite way of finding my sess/rin stories! anyone with lolicon lemme know. i knnow sick but love is love right?

With a stealth learned from observing her lord for many years, Rin took a tattered kimono, with various lengths added to the bottom, she stole away from the castle and into the night.

Sesshomaru sat at the long table in the conference hall listening to the inane conversations flowing about the room. Heated discussions and pleas for assistance. His subjects only drove him further into his head. Thoughts of Rin swirled through his mind, depicting various stages of her growth. Child of no more than 8 handing him flowers. A thirteen year old crying over a dead butterfly. A twenty year old holding her own in the training courtyard. Flashes of her body flared to mind when the lithe form of her training came up. Damp from sweat and tears from the dust, she never was pinned or disarmed. Her Ebony hair flying free with a grassy hillock backdrop. Fingers smoothing a whetstone over a hand carved knife. Long eyelashes fluttering in her sleep. Pale throat that begged for… He snapped out of his thoughts as the room was quiet and all eyes were on him.

General Toru, a trusted General from his easterly border spoke first, and with a marked apprehension.

"Sir? Sir, I don't know of any Rin but should you need her, I will summon her immediately."

Sesshomaru's thoughts whirred for a moment before realizing his picturing of his ward's throat had made him involuntarily call for her. A moment later shock, a very strange feeling indeed, coursed through him as she was not there when her name passed his lips. No matter where she was, somehow she always knew when he needed her and never failed to appear at his command. Whether traveling across his lands or here in the castle.

Surreptitiously looking around the room, he did not see her, but a smirk and huff caught his attention. A Inu demoness from another part of Japan sat ¾ the way down the table, picking her claws and chuckling to herself. Part suspicion and part paranoia led Sesshomaru to believe Rin's absence was her doing. Looking back at his General he dismissed the room and sat back.

After all his subjects left he slumped down a fraction. To Rin, who knew him better than he seemed to know himself as of late, this small act would have been as if he had burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably, however, to the Inu demoness standing behind the door, waiting for the room to clear to make her approach to the Lord of the Western Lands and hopefully secure her future, he just seemed tired.

As she sashayed over to him she noticed a strange, almost floral, aura about him. She could not identify it with her keen Inu senses so dismissed it without a second thought. Sitting delicately on the arm of his chair she had hoped her flawless beauty had been his reasoning for directing his attention to her earlier. She noticed it of course, but only because she was looking for it. Arranging her skirt to display the fine embroidery she opened her mouth to speak but was instantly silenced by his claws digging into her neck.

"Lor..Se.." a cracking noise stopped her speech as he increased pressure.

"You have one chance to live. I know you spoke to her, I can smell her on you, Where is she?" His deadly voice betrayed no amount of worry or fear that ate him up on the inside at the thought of harm befalling his Rin. With a minute flex of his middle and ring finger the pressure on her neck eased enough to speak.

"I remind you, one chance." Lord Sesshomaru whispered through clenched teeth. This open display of emotion scared the Inu Demoness who started shaking uncontrollably.

"I…I told her…I was going to be the Lady…and she…" Her voiced failed her as Sesshomaru snapped her neck and her head rolled back. With disgust, he tossed her body aside and gracefully rose, sweeping out of the room with a single purpose in mind. Find His Rin. A defining Roar filled the halls and surrounding land when he entered her rooms that adjoined his and realizing the scent was old. She must have left the night or even the day before. How did he not notice? He was acutely aware of her, and yet, she slipped away from him. His eyes bled red and his demolished the room. His fury unconfined as he tore through the castle, searching for her. As exhaustion pulled at him, his last thoughts were of Rin holding his a snow covered flower and her cheery face at her discovery for him.

Birds flew up from their roost around Rin as his roar ghosted over the land. Huddling deeper into her makeshift bed of leaves, she cried. She knew he was angry, most likely with her. But she could not stay there. She could not watch her Lord with another female. The pain tore through her and landed in her heart where it burrowed deeper and deeper. She had no where to go. She knew no one but her Lord and Jaken's company for years and never had the time nor inclination to make acquaintances. She had left just after he left her the night before after dinner. She took nothing but her orange and cream kimono. Although it was more like a patchwork quilt in it's design. Sesshomaru had given her everything, and she could not bear to take from him in her leave. When a sharp stem pushed against her left arm a thought jumped up. Kagome and Inuyasha! They would take her in! Kagome and Sango Had told her that she was welcome anytime and Rin felt the standing invitation to visit had been ignored long enough. Standing, she started walking in the dark toward Inuyasha's forest, and past that, his village. Traveling with Sesshomaru had given her more than enough experience to get there without incident, and the night did not scare her as it had when she was young. A wolf howled and in the distance and Rin was not afraid.

Flashback

_It was happening again. The howls, the running, the blood, of Kami, so much blood. It was her death all over again. Screaming, she flew up from her place against Ah Un's warm belly, searching frantically for the wolves. She saw the fire, and Jaken with a snot bubble expanding and contracting in his sleep, Ah Un lifted it's heads and nuzzled her side to calm her. But tonight she would not be lulled back to sleep. The terror was too real tonight. As she scanned the wood with human eyes, hoping to see the source of her nightmare, a hand on her shoulder caused her to jump like a rabbit in fright. Turning she saw her Lord's bemused face, although to the casual observer he was just Sesshomaru, and felt her heart rate calm that then speed as she realized his hand was still on her. _

"_Rin." His quiet one syllable command drew her attention away from her nightmare. _

"_Come." With that he started walking into the woods and if Rin knew any better, she would say toward the sound of wolves._

End Flashback

Coming out of her thoughts she noticed she was more than half way to her destination and thought that daydreaming of her Lord was a far better way to travel. Her honed scouting senses and spy tactics made her constantly aware so it was ultimately safe to drift in her mind for a bit.

The first conscious thought he had was the smell, or lack thereof, of His Rin. When Sesshomaru opened his eyes it was to find the view of her room quite askew from it's usual image. Being Sesshomaru, he realize he was on the floor in a fetal position, holding the kimono he had last seen her in, with it wrapped around his hand and his nose was snuggly buried in the many folds the arrangement presented.

With a slow grace, dignity and demonic speed and dexterity only He possessed, Sesshomaru untangled the garment, snapped and folded it and was standing with his clothes pristine and his hair flawless; there wasn't even a red mark on his face from sleeping on the floor. All in the time it took to get up off the floor and take the two steps out the door to his room.

"Jaken!" Sesshomaru summoned, his voice louder than it's normal octave and with more than a little noticeable Inu growl underlying it. There was an all stop in the lower ranks. Anything below a second soldier in rank all scurried away to their homes. When Sesshomaru was in this mood, it was better to run and hide than keep working or playing. If you valued your life that is.

Jaken, the ever faithful, ever loyal retainer and general "do everything Sesshomaru doesn't or refuses to do" popped into the room as if he had been there the entire time. This Jaken however did not stutter, cower or jump about. He was a Lord again among his very own people. The conditions were Sesshomaru allowed Jaken to reproduce and create his own kingdom, inside Sesshomaru's own. As it turned out, during their many travels through the Western lands, Sesshomaru had found a similar 'Jaken' like demon female. It happened that Sesshomaru pass passing it road-side when a thought struck him, Jaken shouldn't be alone anymore. That simple stray thought prompted him to stop the female and after quite a chat sitting by the water it was agreed that she would come to his castle when she was of mating age and meet with Jaken. Turns out love at first sight was true for them. Sesshomaru gave them his blessing and out of sheer loyalty after their mating Jaken asked for a land within a land for his people, so he may always be by Sesshomaru when he needed him. After many generations of Jakenmaru people, Jaken learned what Sesshomaru knew from birth. How to lead, when to show emotion, and when to kill everything in sight. With dignity, and poise intact.

"My Lord, she left one and a half days ago. She took nothing but her original kimono, she went southeast, toward you brother's village, and My Lord, I am coming with you so don't argue. If we leave this moment we should reach the Village just after her, assuming that is her destination. Kagome had extended an open invitation for Rin to visit for however long. It is safe to assume that being her only contacts for her many years, she would have no where else to go. We have never stopped long enough for her to form any lasting impression on anyone never mind a connection on any level. My Lord, I know her just as well as you, so her loyalty is unquestionable. She will be at Inuyasha's village. Ah, we're here."

At the words 'southwest' Sesshomaru had taken to the skies. Jaken summoned his Cummulo and took off after him. Turns out his mate had a gift. She could spin a cloud appear out of water vapor and dust that when spun correctly, could hold even Sesshomaru. His youngest daughter had named this cloud Cummulo. Jaken always let his youngest children name the cloud each day. During the flight Jaken soothed Sesshomaru's rage by giving him details of Rin and her whereabouts. As long as Rin was there, any conversation was focused on. Landing in the back yard Sesshomaru caught Kagome by the shoulder and spun her away from the laundry line to face him. Kagome's face when from momentary shock to sheer, putrid hate, and before even Sesshomaru could stop her she slapped him, hard. Being a hanyou's wife had it's advantages. Sparring made her strong, as did childbirth 3 times. Inuyasha's shadow landed not a moment before Kagome's hand left Sesshomaru's cheek.

"You bastard. What did you do to her! Do you have any Idea what you put her through! Do you! Rin is an emotional wreak. If I didn't know her better I'd say she was just quiet, but I know the difference. She shut down Sesshomaru, and I know for a fucking fact it's Your Fault! Now get in that house right this moment or so help me I will purify you slowly piece by piece starting with your balls! Now March!"

Kagome was viciously pointing at the house where the grass door fluttered softly. Sesshomaru Looked at Kagome and without a word, turned on his heel and walked into the house. The sound of something heavy and the door stopped fluttering told Kagome and Inuyasha that their house was now off limits.

"Wow Kagome. You didn't even need me huh?" Inuyasha was leaning on his sword with quite the bemused look on his face.

"I did what had to be done, I'm a mother, I don't care that he's hundreds of years older than me, and to me Rin is just a pup, and when I feel a pup in trouble, I'm more deadly than Tessaiga." Kagome was still rigid before she felt Inuyasha's strong arms circle her waist and pull her back against his chest.

"I love it when your mad Kagome." He kissed her mate mark.

"Inuyasha, I have to finish the laundry." Kagome was saying as he nibbled her neck. In a sweep they were off to their grotto to bring another beautiful hanyou into the world.

"Rin" his voice filled the room, yet she did move. Not even a blink. He took a step toward he and saw her eyes in the firelight. Nothing but the chocolate brown of her iris. No happy sparkle that was his Rin, no sign of a happy thought in her mind. Just brown eyes. "Rin" he breathed. He dropped and moved toward her on his knees. His arm reached for her and when he was but a hair away she flinched. Pain shot up his arm and coiled in his heart. It beat audibly and he faltered, his arm falling to the floor and a tear rolled down his cheek. "Rin, I.."

The pain he felt was not just his own. Rin had unconsciously pushed her essences out and into him, making him feel her pain. He sense of absolute betrayal and hurt.

"Rin, stop it." Sesshomaru growled through his teeth. The pain was opening a gateway for his inner demon to emerge. She saw him in her peripheral and watched him flinch and writher, his eyes bleeding red as tears formed and dropped in a truly Sesshomaru fashion.

*Sesshomaru, take her. Show her she is yours. Make her know her importance. If you lose her, I will kill you.* Sesshomaru's inner demon had long ago chosen Rin as it's mate. It saw no other worthy. No other as loyal and commanding of his love. His need for her transcended even his hate of his father's choice, his brother, and humankind. She was not human, she was his! *Take her! Take her now! She's dying like this and you will save her!*

With a lunge, Sesshomaru gathered Rin to him and he let his demon take over, knowing she was as safe with it as she was with him, if not safer. A demon could not kill his mate, for it would die as well. The bond of a mate was forever. He started crooning into her hair, running his claws along her skin and wrapping his tail around her waist. He growl to her in Inu of her worth, and beauty and all he loved about her. He didn't know if she understood but didn't care as he saw a flash go through her eyes. Her eyelids lowered slightly and her lips parted to show a pink tongue poke out then retreat leaving behind wet shimmering lips that begged for him and he gave in to his need.


	2. Chapter 2

"Rin, I don't like this method of communication so listen well, I will not repeat myself. Is that clear, Rin?"

He said he name twice. In once sentence. A sentence that consisted of more than 4 words. She was so focused on him she couldn't answer, she just sent what she hoped was an affirmative. As it was he continued anyways.

"Rin, I don't know what to do in this situation. I am a helpless, hopeless mess right now. It makes me angry, and sad, and so many other things I feel like I am to implode. For this Sesshomaru would never explode, too messy."

That earned a smile from his Rin and he felt a tightness in his sternum lessen.

"I can't say those words you need me to say, I know that it hurts, but I have tried. I humble myself to tell you that. I've tried saying it out loud so many times. I get nothing. But I can show you. There is nothing I could imagine for your future but me. Nor I you. To think you mated or 'shudder' married enrages me to the point of insanity."

A deep sigh let out and Rin knew something was coming. Something…good.

"Rin, My demon has already chosen you. I am a 'ruined' demon if you understand. Good. Were I try to mate another, during the coupling, it would have killed them. Violently and disastrously. My damned pride has become a physical manifestation and yet my demon surpasses that. As my true self, it decided to keep you. When I took you from death, when I kept you at my castle, in an adjoining room, nonetheless. And even then you only just started using it in the last few months."

His pause startled Rin. She was so swept up in his voice and learning his deepest secrets and fears she felt him stop rather than heard. Somehow she felt, melded, with him. Feeling his turmoil of emotions, his insecurities became hers. She wanted to give herself as well and when she about gave up consciously trying to send him, something, a flash across his features and she was pinned under him, a snarl gracing his features. The left canine hanging over his full lower lip.

An irrational thought occurred to her. What would his lip feel like against her. The warmth of it, the smooth tooth, dangerous and…she lifted her head the small distance to his lips and pressed hers to his.

Time froze for both of them. But inside was another matter. Sensations, emotions and the true Sesshomaru almost crying with glee.

***Now, Sesshomaru. Take her now! She has given herself to us body and soul. You felt her pouring her heart to you. You felt the undeniable loyalty and passion. She will not let us go, now Take Her!* **

Sesshomaru sighed and relaxed, letting his demon take over.

"**Rin, do not be afraid. Be my mate. Say the words my Rin. Say it." **He purred, his voice demonic in it's beauty and eroticism. Rin could do nothing but what he commanded.

"Sesshomaru, please, make me your mate. Tell me what to do. Anything, I'm yours."

"**I will bite you, it will hurt. The venom I give you will allow you to bite me. Do not shy away or go easy. You must do as you feel instinctually. I will take you then. It may hurt, but I promise you My Rin, it will not for long. Turn now my little flower, let me pluck your petal."**

Rin flipped to her stomach and felt a claw run down her body and her clothing fell down her arms and over her legs. A bit of skillful shifting and it was cushioning her knees and arms. She felt his arm wrap around her waist and he lifted her to lock her in place.

Rin felt no fear. Not of him, what they were about to do, or her future. But she hadn't fears for her future since that night with the wolves and Sesshomaru.

Flashback

_^last flashback^_

"_Rin." His quiet one syllable command drew her attention away from her nightmare. _

"_Come." With that he started walking into the woods and if Rin knew any better, she would say toward the sound of wolves._

_^present flashback^_

_Keeping behind her Lord she watched the swish of his hair back and forth, hypnotizing her again. It had held her sway many times on their longer tours of the Western Lands and had taken her farther than she would had been able to walk otherwise. Soon though it stopped abruptly and Rin almost tripped. _

"_Rin, come here. I know of your nightmares. I know how to stop them. Would you like my assistance?" _

_Rin nodded with a childlike eagerness he adored on the inside but outwardly dismissed._

"_Rin, I will take you now to someone who needs help yet will kill you should you try. It will be your decision whether to kill or heal. Are you ready? Then follow me."_

_They walked side by side for a few hundred feet then there was a large clearing. It was beautiful, and yet, something was off about it. Rin scanned the field intently and found a disturbance to the right corner. _

_A sound caught on the wind reached her. A pitiful groan of agony, made only when crying out was beyond impossible. Rin stepped toward the sound involuntarily and was mid reach when she stopped and turned to her Lord. He stood there holding his sword top as the tip was in the ground, almost like he was leaning on it. _

_A nod and off she went tearing through the flowers without damaging one. _

_Sesshomaru marveled at this fact and imagined her being one with the flowers. He mused that were she a demon she would be a flower demon. Being one and being all spring had to offer. _

_Rin found the source of the sound and gasped. She quickly darted behind a rock and shivered. ]_

_A moment passed and the sounds coming from the creature of her nightmares drew her to peek around the side of her hiding place. She half expected to see snarling teeth but what she really saw hurt her little innocent heart. _

_The wolf was on it's side with tremors rippling it's fur making it shimmer in the sun, breathing heavily and rubbing it's body into the dirt. _

_Rin understood pain when she saw it. She knew pain like no other she knew of and recognized the signs immediately. The digging and shifting as if to smother the pain or just dig it out. The breath of tortured lungs, feeling as if you ran for days. The involuntary shakes that coursed over the body._

_She moved out behind the rock and crouched, knees pressed to her chest, arms around her ankles. She stared at the wolf from over top her knees few some time. _

_Slowly, she inched closer, then paused. Shuffle, pause. Shuffle, pause. Each pause was long and each shuffle closer not noticeable to anyone but Rin; and Sesshomaru of course. _

_The sun was setting in the sky and Rin had come close enough to the wolf to touch it if she stretched out her arm. _

_The wolf had been watching her the entire day, not realizing the inching till she was so close it could touch her. Her smell had become one with the air around it. She smelled of dirt and flowers and rain. Natural scents that cause no initial cause for alarm other than she was obviously not a wolf. _

_With a wolf sigh and a whimper it stretched out it's head and touched her fingers with it's snout. Rin wanted to jump, scream, run away. But in the hours of sitting with this wolf she had pin pointed the problem and was well on her way to fixing it, using herbs and grasses and nature to mix a poultice for it's injury. She had even weaved soft grasses into a makeshift bandage that would die off and subsequently fall off while doing it's job of holding the mixture to the wound till it kicked in. _

_Taking the touch as acceptance and permission, she slowly unwrapped the bandage and green blend of healing she gently smoothed down the fur of its flank and parted the fun from the injury without ever touching the point of pain. Once it was clear of fur, Rin saw it was a painful problem, but not a serious one if treated. _

_Carefully she put her tools down next to the wolfs head. It understood and smelled them, then Rin thought painless thoughts and happy things as she worked, humming as she did so. On initial contact there was a flinch, snarl and snap. But both parties knew there was no heart to the snap. It was painfully far from any part of Rin's body and the whimper that followed tugged at Rin's delicate, sensitive heartstrings. _

_She switched her humming to light yips that sounded happy to her, creating a song in the meantime. The wolf perked it's ears and seemed to laugh when it open its jaws and it's tongue flopped out the side, dangling comically. _

_Rin laughed a light tinkling laugh of bluebells in the first light of day. The wolf wagged it's tail at the sound and soon was crooning with her in a wild song that only they two knew. The sun had long set and Rin felt the heat of a fire not far from her. Somehow the wolf seemed unafraid and Rin knew her presence was a part of that._

_End Flashback_

"Inuyasha, do you think Sesshomaru really loves Rin or is it more a demon possessive thing?"

Inuyasha sat behind his wife in their tree, holding her close.

"Kagome, Sesshomaru is not like me. His pride is not an emotion anymore. Myoga once said that it was a physical barrier around his heart that formed from nothing into something even he couldn't penetrate. But I know that his demon chose Rin other wise she would have been dead numerous times before now. So because of his physical barrier formed of his price, he may never say he loves her, out loud, but if his demon chose her as it's mate, seems the words aren't that important. At least that's my opinion."

Kagome looked over her shoulder at her mate. Huh, Sometimes he can be so enigmatic it made her wonder what happened to her klutzy, big mouthed, idiot she fell in love with.

"But then again Sesshomaru might just be a big fat idiot who doesn't know a good this if it smacked him upside his 'noble' head. Pft"

Ah, there he was. Kagome snuggled deeper into her husband and gazed at the stars, theorizing about fate.


End file.
